love don't live here anymore.

my emotions , it comes natural .
what isen't natural iss what you're doing to them.
you're toying with me , and it's making a terrible knot in my stomach .
I'm not filled with guilt, i'm filled with loneliness .

you act as if nothing happend when my motivation is crashing down before my weak eyes.
everything just looks wrong to me right now. Do you see what your doing to me ?
you're breaking me , the girl you said to act real.
What's more real then this ? Nothing . Why don't you see it ?

Things are changing , like you said they wouldn't .
You said i changed to much ; i'm turning and screaming for it not to happen . it is .
how can i ever find myself if your not around .
all you do is talk and talk and talk . well now , it's going to just be silence.
cold , dead , shallow silence .

im so speachless im just wasting away my breath trying to talk.
why should i waste my time when i cant change anything.
watching you walk away was the hardest thing ive witnessed.
you walked away with a piece of me in your hand.
you saw me crying , an you said i shouldnt be.
fuck were you ever wrong.

i'm tired of being trapped in a world where theres no paralell emotion .
my emotions are never ending , never dying , and never weakening .
there strong and the only thing that involves the words weak and emotions in a sentence ,
is the fact my emotions are making me week .

mistakes arn't making me stronger, there tearing me down faster then you could imagine .
i've seen millions of faces that just stare at me , not in my eyes looking for storys .
they know i'm scared. inside im terrifyed . i don't want to live on like this .

if i could shutdown all thoughts that come across my mind i would.
just to know im still alive and living with the fact ill never be the same.
its that bad . its like nothing you'd think it would be.
i rather kill myself then feel this for 24 more hours ,

i hope my words are strong enough to hit your lungs the way they hit mine .

i'm going to keep my head held high.

I never though it would be like this ,
190 days went by like it was one month or two .

I've never met anyone who cared so much about me like you did,
You're love ment the most to me . You saw me for me , inside and out .
I wish you could understand how much you mean to me .
I'll never be able to give you back the time and respect you gave me.

You treated me like I was the only person you wanted to talk to .
You gave me the time of day , I'll never forget you .
You may never understand how much that ment to me .
I hate to see you go so soon .

I can't stop crying right now.
It's the last day of school, two hours have passed since I said goodbye.
It wasen't much of a goodbye , but I was scared to show emotion .
I wish you didn't have to go , it honestly hurt's me so much to say it .

I want to thank you for a great year.
For letting me open up to you when I couldn't trust anyone else.
For helping me through everything and showing me a better person.
Out of all the times you saw my insecurity and anger, you always said:
"Inside , theres a sweet,caring girl, I know her, where is she?"

It will still bring me to tears probably tommorow, and the next day or longer.
I hope to see you again soon .
Just know i'll never forget you or the things you've done for me .
I hope you'll think of me often,
and how much you've helped me . and changed me .

Thank you for everything Ben .
You're the best teacher i've ever had .

Sincerely,
ton petit giroutte . :(

vacines and vodka ; herion and heart attacks.

life is a neverending emotion .
it tear's you apart after you finally think you're better .
depression is like a sickness,
you can't stop catching it .
unlike the flu , you can't get a shot for it .

instead we inject herion instead of vacines ,
instead of exhailing oxygen we exhail smoke .
instead of consuming water we consume alcohol.

why ? because we're sick .
sick of trying ,
sick of trying to find a resolution ,
yeah you have one , but you'll never use it .
because you don't have the strength ,
you get knocked back down ,
as your self esteem follows.

sick of fighting.
sick of fighting for what's right or wrong,
when everything seems to be wrong .
the battle of life , is a fight .
a fight you never know is going to end ,
and then suddenly, it does.
Could be as fast as the speed of sound ,
or as harsh and long as a wound healing .

sick of feeling all these pains that are not nessicary .
Quite frankly I don't know if I should keep fighting for nothing,
or just swallow everything and choke .
choke on my every thought you never bother'd giving a fuck about .

how many heart's will die here tonight ?

As i sit here ,
emotions take controll over my body .
it's bin dallas green for the past 20 hours ,
no one else i rather shrug to the thought of .

As i listen to Hello , I'm in Delaware ,
thoughts of you pass in and out of my mind .
Everytime I'm over you I'm not .

i broke my own heart into a million pieces ,
and your's too . I'll never have a strong enough sorry .
It hurt's alot .

Things will never be the same , ever .
but I miss your text's , if i'm at school or in bed .
and your offline messages , that were extremely long .

I was in love with you , like no other love .
And as it hurts to say ,
I'll need some time to get over this .

i'll some how make it out .

to be hurt , is one thing ,
but to hurt another , is cold .

I don't know how bad i hurt you,
and it dosen't show .
But you seem to be alright on you're own ,
for the most part.

You have all these amazing people now anyways,
so I don't see why you wouldn't be happy .

On the other hand;

Me, I thought I was doing fine.
untill the next day came along .
I thought breaking up with you , wouldn't matter at all .
To be honest, It's killing me.

It's like having a knife drove through you're heart.
and it's perminatly stuck there untill you can fix it .
Good fucking luck , Cause i'll need it .

I told you I didn't want to go out with you ,
and now I hope you know why that is.

I told myself I wouldn't miss you ,
It's not the first time I've ever lied to myself.

just a little less obvious ,

Have you ever noticed me ?
The small things about me what you wouldn't care for atleast;

Like the paleness in my face , but my back is tan ?
Or just how ice cold my hands are from the lack of iron I have ?

How my eyes go green when I cry ?
Or how there gold when I'm happy .

How much care I put into my words ,
Or my careless stutter from thinking to many things at once .

My hopeless dream for the sun to shine all day .
Or maybe that I have insomnia .

Or do you just see ;

That girl in French Immersion with light bright eyes ,
alot of makeup , Orange/brown hairs , Always tired ,
B- average girl ?

The girl with a thousand lies written all over .

Let's compare scars , i'll tell you whose' is worse .

Trace your hand markings .
Follow your creases' .
Find your fast beating pulse .

My hand's are different .
I can see a blue vein that travels through my hand .
I follow it down my hand ;
Beneath the fresh red wounds .
I see blue , it stands still .
Without a beat .

I wonder if it travel's to my heart ,
cause my heart feels the same pain my wrist does .