and i'm still sick.

i have strep throat, i've bin sick for about three weeks.
the beginning of 2010 has bin fucked up for me.
i broke up with my boyfriend,
met a guy i thought was perfect
got played.
have strep throat the whole time basically.
i've missed a lot of school.
behind in homework already, and i'm only in grade eight.

when i'm sick,
i enjoy tea, lots and lots of tea.
theres days i won't eat at all, and days you'd think im obese.
i can still manage to look gorgeous if i'm sick.
but i still feel and look like crap .
i get more emotional then i should and cry over small things.
my life is a rollercoaster.

i felt the earth beneath my feet,

nothing ever felt so wrong.
but when i was with you nothing ever felt so right.
i can barely grow with the fact i broke up with you.
when it was never clear to me your the only one i want.
and the only one i need,
i love'd you so much i would change for you.
i'd do anything you wanted me to.
i' could be anyone you wanted me to be,
and all you had to do was ask.
but that's all gone now.

you move'd on.
and i haven't , but i pretended to be over you.
i want you back and there's nothing i can do about it.
so i just have to move on,
i don't know how i will, but i honestly don't want to try.
all i'm asking for is another chance to have you.
i love you, you're not like anyone else.

but on the other hand,
i've bin taking care of myself.
i broke myself twice.
with another guy after you.
just showing me what i did to you.
i've bin taking care of myself through everything.
and i've opened my eyes a lot.
to realise many things that never did matter.

i'm stuck,
but i'll find out.

& the tears come streaming down your face'

when i'm sick,
it dosen't just affect my immune system.
it affect's all of me.
i go into a physocological state of mind,
where everything is completely messed up and torn.

:everything is louder then it sounds, and it hurts to hear.
the pain is more intese then it should be.
the chest pains i've had for over 13 hours now.
the throat pains that feel like sand paper got gridded against them.
where evey grain of sand had a point like a knife, fantastic ain't it?
every comment that get's thrown at you seems like an insult.
you burst into tears because you can't take it.
every thought you have builds up in your mind,
and makes an army, everything turns against you.
till it shuts you down. all they want is you to give up.
your own eyes go in defense and can't let them stay open.
they close but your system is to screwed over to fall into a sleep.
sleeping disorders kick in and don't let you get your sleep.
your appetite weakens and every time your starving, for the slightest thing.
something that wouldn't bug you before throws you off.
your discusted.
the sunlight is painfull, and the dark is terrifying.
your mind makes everything seem harder then it should be,
makes everything seem like a problem or a hassle.
tells your nerves and muscles that it's to hard to acomplish.

while every one is sound asleep your still fucking awake at 4am in the morning,
trying to figure out which pill you should try next and which tea will make it easier
to get some fucking rest.