i've mastered the art of missing and my smile lacks a glow.

A photograph captures a thousand words left unspoken.
Photographs take the words you want to say out of your mouth and puts them in a frame.
Everytime you try to describe it, the words never seem to have as much meaning or their unsatisfying.
Disatisfaction is something thats hard to handle.
It's frusterating and makes you stressed.

Photography was a big part of my life,
but then I felt like someone else took its possesion from me.
Its like getting something stolen from you.
It's heartbreaking.
Once you like something someone else does it just becomes competition.
& I'm fucking tired of fighting for something I love,
wether its photography or not.
I'm tired of giving up, giving up on something I love.
I'm tired of giving up on love.
I have regrets in life, everyone who says they don't regret something is lying.
I regret giving up on everything I ever gave up on.
& if I ever hurt you for giving up on something we had,or a friendship. or anything.

I'm sorry...

bravery comes from the heart;

bravery comes from within;
because when i felt i would crash and burn.
someone gave me hope, someone gave me power.
when i was in tears, and she was in tears
she gave me some advice
" just tell him, tell him how you feel.
i'm walking right over to my ex and telling him,
so what if he has a girlfriend, he needs to know.
i love him, i love him a lot.
and you know how scared i am, it took a lot for me to do.
so just do it, reanna, you know you can "

you're right, you're a brave girl, i love you for it.
every person needs that one kick in the ass to make them see things.
see things for what they are and how it is.
it's not it is what it is, it is how you make it.
don't take life as it settles, take it how you want.
i'm tired of people telling me they can't do anything about something.
you can, you can do anything you want.
you can be anyone you want,
and you have, anyone or anything your tiny heart desires.

theres one life, you're living it. stop waiting for your dreams.
go catch them, because what are you waiting for?
that kick in the ass to tell you when to go?
if your waiting for God or some miracle, your fucked.
because only you can help yourself.
YOU are your mind, body, heart, and soul.
and if you know what you want, just get it.

thats why on monday, june 28th , my grade eight graduation.
i'm walking right up, to my ex.
and telling him how i feel.
if he feels the same way, thats awesome.
if he doesnt, thats great too.
but like spongebob once said
" how can you know if they don't love you to if they don't know you love them?"

sometimes the smartest people are blind to whats infront of them.
before life cuts you off, grab whatever you can;
and make what you can of it.
because its just sad to let love die away .

broken and beautiful ;

a confused soul is the only piece of mind
i've ever had.
constantly confused, constantly wondering.
it all bears with me until a certain time.
it's all decent, not fine, and not bad. just alright.
untill that time comes i can keep it under controll.

then it comes.
and when it comes its like a punch in the heart.
a punch in the face, and a voice screaming failure.
then come the tears, that just come and you can't hold them in.
you can try and hide them but they just happen.
then the feeling just lives on for God knows how long.

waiting on love ain't so easy to do .

if you love me,
then let me know;
because i can't wait for you forever.
because forever is a long time,
and who know's how long forever can last
when nothing is forever; besides history.

see you and me have history,
but if you love something so much you can change it.
you can't change the past but you can bring it and make it your future.
because in my forever i want you to be , whatever time forever can be.

forever could be tomorrow, or the next day, or another year.
who knows how much time we have left.
to live our days,
but why would i want to waste this time waiting for forever.
when im wasting time i could be spent with you.

this is anger as beauty.

No sense in understanding when it all changes.
I've drifted away from the shore,
and stranded myself in the middle of lake.
The lake that's full of different traits of emotions.
Splashing me and making me feel a thousand things at once.
Over and over just taking me.

I can look around and see the sun shining ,
through the snow white clouds, the red maple tree's.
and the greenest of green grass known to myself.
but how can I feel so down when the suns shining so brightly?
It's not raining... does that make any sense ?
Cause it doesn't to me.

This is anger as beauty.
Some of which I don't understand.
but what do I ?

What I've infered from love.

Love is the type of word that sends shivers to ever inch of your body.
Love is dangerous, but if you trust love you have nerve.
Love is the type of word that is the closest thing to explaining
how you can truly feel without getting tongue tied.

Love is the only thing you can be within 5 seconds
and 5 seconds later be disappointed.

Love is still unexplainable when you think you've got it down.
Explaining love is like explaining what happens when you die.
It's hard,unknown of,& you never fully understand until;
until you experience it yourself.

I believe in love because love is the only thing this week that's kept me stable.
I believe in love when I have doubt in everything else,
because love is the thing that makes me believe.
I believe in peace,faith,love,capability,and connection.
I believe love could make this world a better place.
I believe without love we would have bin lost.
Because love is something that keeps us in believing forever.
I believe in a forever, because love makes forever happen.

nothing to kill or die for... but you

You gave me reason,
a reason to try harder in school.
a reason to come to school.
a reason to take care of myself.
a reason to just try again.

without you i have no reason as a person.
and i know i take every break up to heart.
but no breakup has ever put me in the position
to stay home.
or to drink to much tea, or over eat.
or burst into tears.

i miss staying up on the phone till past twelve,
just because we could.
i miss getting a kiss at the end of every day.
i miss our i love you's.

but i'm still going to try to give up.
because you're over me.
it'll be a misson, and i doubt it will work.

you never stop loving someone, you just learn to live without them..

and i'm still sick.

i have strep throat, i've bin sick for about three weeks.
the beginning of 2010 has bin fucked up for me.
i broke up with my boyfriend,
met a guy i thought was perfect
got played.
have strep throat the whole time basically.
i've missed a lot of school.
behind in homework already, and i'm only in grade eight.

when i'm sick,
i enjoy tea, lots and lots of tea.
theres days i won't eat at all, and days you'd think im obese.
i can still manage to look gorgeous if i'm sick.
but i still feel and look like crap .
i get more emotional then i should and cry over small things.
my life is a rollercoaster.

i felt the earth beneath my feet,

nothing ever felt so wrong.
but when i was with you nothing ever felt so right.
i can barely grow with the fact i broke up with you.
when it was never clear to me your the only one i want.
and the only one i need,
i love'd you so much i would change for you.
i'd do anything you wanted me to.
i' could be anyone you wanted me to be,
and all you had to do was ask.
but that's all gone now.

you move'd on.
and i haven't , but i pretended to be over you.
i want you back and there's nothing i can do about it.
so i just have to move on,
i don't know how i will, but i honestly don't want to try.
all i'm asking for is another chance to have you.
i love you, you're not like anyone else.

but on the other hand,
i've bin taking care of myself.
i broke myself twice.
with another guy after you.
just showing me what i did to you.
i've bin taking care of myself through everything.
and i've opened my eyes a lot.
to realise many things that never did matter.

i'm stuck,
but i'll find out.

& the tears come streaming down your face'

when i'm sick,
it dosen't just affect my immune system.
it affect's all of me.
i go into a physocological state of mind,
where everything is completely messed up and torn.

:everything is louder then it sounds, and it hurts to hear.
the pain is more intese then it should be.
the chest pains i've had for over 13 hours now.
the throat pains that feel like sand paper got gridded against them.
where evey grain of sand had a point like a knife, fantastic ain't it?
every comment that get's thrown at you seems like an insult.
you burst into tears because you can't take it.
every thought you have builds up in your mind,
and makes an army, everything turns against you.
till it shuts you down. all they want is you to give up.
your own eyes go in defense and can't let them stay open.
they close but your system is to screwed over to fall into a sleep.
sleeping disorders kick in and don't let you get your sleep.
your appetite weakens and every time your starving, for the slightest thing.
something that wouldn't bug you before throws you off.
your discusted.
the sunlight is painfull, and the dark is terrifying.
your mind makes everything seem harder then it should be,
makes everything seem like a problem or a hassle.
tells your nerves and muscles that it's to hard to acomplish.

while every one is sound asleep your still fucking awake at 4am in the morning,
trying to figure out which pill you should try next and which tea will make it easier
to get some fucking rest.