i had to get this far

inside me i want to feel something with meaning.
everything loses faith.
i'm lacking faith.
if i can't believe in myself how can i believe in living.
how can i get up everyday,
how can i lie to myself.
i don't know what hurts most.
i don't know what's hurting me.
and i don't have any strategies,
i can't vent, i can't talk.
and i don't want to talk.
i haven't talked so much, i'm full.
i'm full of words or moments i've never let go.
i can't let go no matter how much i want to.
everything i say is wrong, ITS ALL WRONG.
and it makes me sad that i can't be right.

do you know how it feels to be unable to agree with yourself,
not matter how right you are.
no matter how bad i want to change i can't let myself.
and i want to change.
to feel happy again.